After It All
by lilyroselilac123
Summary: Cammie came back after a summer of trying to find answers. Whether she found them is unknown because she lost all memory of it. She lost everyone's trust, and has to struggle to gain it back . No one seems to know what she went through and how much she is really hurting. What will happen to her? It will be Zammie and a lot of it... eventually! Please check it out!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey! Thanks for checking out my story. Ally Carter owns all. And that disclaims the entire story because I am way too lazy to do this every chapter. Heads up: I may use swears, but probably will never do anything graphic... so BEWARE !**

**This is set after Cammie returns in the fifth book. Enjoy**

Sometimes I wonder what would have been different had I agreed to Zach's proposition. Would I remember my summer? I think I would. We could have kept each other safe. We should have. But I messed it up. I messed everything up and screwed everyone over too may times to count. What I did was unforgivable, the fact that I can't even explain myself is worse. I betrayed everyone I cared about. What's scary is that I have no doubt someone else will betray me.

I sighed as I got up from my bed. I had enough of just sitting there in a tense room. I felt as if I was suffocating. No one had spoken to me yet. I don't blame them. I was a bad friend. Worst of all, I was a bad spy. Somewhere along my journey I had gotten caught. I had been careless. My head bowed slightly and I stared at the hard wood floor as I made my way across our dorm. An outreached arm caught me by surprise and I stopped dead in my tracks. I looked up to meet the eyes of a furious Baxter.

"What?" I asked, annoyed and feeling out of place. Her eyes were full of fury.

"Are you bloody serious?! What do you mean, 'What'? Where the hell do you think you are going." Bex exclaimed in my face. She looked at me in disgust. "You know what, whatever. I don't care anymore. I don't want to have to babysit you all the time to make sure you don't get yourself killed. I could care less about you." She dropped her arm lightly by her side, but her words slapped me in the face. I looked up towards Liz and Macey but they were looking everywhere but me. I continued my way out the door trying my hardest not to cry. I could not show that her words hurt me. I could not show that the fact no one had yet to even ask me if I was okay hurt me beyond belief.

I walked about 100 yards and down a flight of stairs until I reached my favorite passageway. Only to find it blocked. I guess I wasn't the only one to change while I was gone.

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I sat down at the senior table in the dining hall just a bit late. Zach had taken my seat, but he was no where to be found. I left his seat open as I sat at the end of the table, as far away from Bex, Macey, and Liz as possible. Unfortunately, that meant I was sitting near Tina and Courtney. I picked at my food as the girls, and eventually Zach when he showed up, talked loudly and cheerfully. They were all oblivious towards my presence. At least until Tina started talking.

"So Cammie, tell me why you ran away again?" Tina asked, and the entire table and the junior table went silent, curious to see what was about to go down. I remained silent.

"Were you trying to prove a point?" she prodded.

"What do you mean?" I said.

"Cammie, I bet you thought you were better than all of us. Huh? Is that why you left? Or were you afraid?" She continued on and on as I just sat there looking at my plate. She continued to taunt me music was getting louder.

" You aren't a very good spy to get caught Cammie. It's pathetic to see you acting like something bad, other than you getting embarrassed, happened." She wouldn't shut up would she? I sensed the entire dining hall go deathly silent. My brain hurt. I had a pounding in my head that refused to go away. The music was becoming deafening. I started to lightly hum the circus tune that had been in my head since the day I woke up in the Alps.

She kept saying those things. Over and over and over. I heard someone laugh. I briefly looked up only to see it was Bex clutching a hand over her mouth, suppressing giggles. She leaned over to Macey and said,

"Karma's a bitch." She giggled.

And the world stopped. I felt as if I was on auto pilot as I stood up and walked quickly out the door. I had nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide. I walked over towards the teachers lounge and slid my back against the wall until I was sitting fully down. I had to clamp a hand over my mouth to keep from being loud as sobs racked through my body. The music wasn't stopping. It was there. I was afraid it would always be there. Etched into my mind for some unknown reason.

I don't know how long I sat there. Eventually someone found me. I was pulled into their room quickly and not so gently. My eyes darted upward to meet Abby's. She looked at me with sorrow and fear. After what seemed like an eternity of her examining my face, she engulfed me into her arms as I cried like a child. She told me everything would work out. That it's good that I didn't remember. Eventually, after I was all dried up from the tears, I rose and walked to my dorm with a tear stained face.

As I entered the room, I felt everyone look up at me and wait as if they were expecting an explanation. I looked at each of them before laying down and closing my eyes. Before I knew it, I had drifted off into sleep.

**Okay, I know that was probably bad. Please review! I am open to criticism as long as it isn't really mean. Thanks for the support. All it takes is typing a word and hitting that button! I will try to update as soon as possible.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey everyone! Thank you so so so much for all of the reviews! I really appreciate it! Enjoy! By the way, Mr. Solomon was never in a coma**

I shot out of bed and looked all around me. No one was in my dorm. My eyes searched for the clock, and when I found it, it read 8:30. I was ten minutes late for breakfast. The fact that no one woke me up was no surprise. They aren't my friends anymore so why bother? The fact still hurt though.

I sighed as I made my way over to my dresser to pull out my uniform. After brushing my hair and putting on lip balm I was ready to go. It took me a matter of 30 seconds.

I paused before I entered the dining hall. All eyes would be on me. I might even have to endure another episode like last night. I weighed the pros and the cons, but my stomach made a large growl which made up my mind. I quickly pushed open the heavy oak doors and briskly made my way over to the food. After filling my plate, my eyes scanned the senior table for a place to sit. There were none. They had moved the end chair over to the junior table. I didn't need to be told twice. I practically ran out of the doors, with Abby and Joe's eyes boring into my back.

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I entered Cove Ups just before the bell rang. Once again, there were no seats left so I stood awkwardly in the back. This day could not get any worse. Finally, Mr. Solomon entered the classroom.

"How late was I?" His voice boomed. The entire class was silent. No one moved.

"5 minutes, 33 seconds, and 2 milliseconds." I curtly replied. All eyes, including his, looked back towards me in surprise. I myself was surprised. I felt as if I was on auto pilot.

"Correct. Today, ladies and gentleman, we will be learning about guns. Someone tell me why guns are dangerous." The class snorted and rolled their eyes. They thought this would be an easy question.

"Because you can accidently shoot yourself, duh." That was Tina. If you couldn't already tell. Mr. Solomon did a face palm.

"Because if you have to use a gun, it is already too late." Bex answered smirking.

"Precisely. Here are a box of unassembled guns. Put them together. That is your only task for todays class." Everyone ran to grab one. I took mine carefully and walked over to the back of the room again. I could feel Mr. Solomon's eyes on me. Once again, it was like I was on auto pilot. I worked quickly and efficiently. I put it together in 3 seconds flat. Loaded and everything. I had even beat Zach. My eyes widened. I had beaten a trained assassin.

Mr. Solomon jumped from his chair and sprinted over to me. I yanked the gun away from me and stared at me. The class stopped what they were doing and watched what was going on carefully.

"How did you do it? How?" he shook me violently.

"I don't know. I just did." I replied evenly.

" Class is dismissed." I side stepped around him but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back. " Ms. Morgan, you will come with me." I nodded meekly and tried to not fall as he dragged me to my mothers office. He did not even bother knocking as he barged in.

" She just assembled a gun in 3 seconds. Loaded completely and ready to shoot. She did it faster than Zach and myself. She did it faster than we are trained to do at Blackthorne." Abby gasped and looked at me weirdly. My mother nodded her head.

"Good for her." She said monotonously. " Take her out to the range and see how well she can actually shoot." Abby motioned for us to follow and led us to a huge field with a target about 2000 feet away.

"Hit the target in the heart or head." I grabbed the gun and steadied myself. I don't even remember pulling the trigger.

Mr. Solomon sprinted away to grab the dummy. His face was pale as he brought it back. Abby gulped and looked at it. I had it dead on in the head. The perfect shot.

"Oh my, wow, umm excuse as Cammie." Abby said. I turned and ran back inside and into my dorm where the girls and Zach were all talking.

"Where were you?" Macey asked accusingly.

"At the gun range." I replied.

"Did you even hit the dummy?" Bex inquired and then laughed as everyone but Zach joined in. He was staring at me tentatively.

"Yes. I hit the dummy executioner's style from a distance of 2000 feet." That shut everybody up rather quickly.

"That is out of my range, and I am a trained sniper. Where the hell did you learn to do that?" Zach was really quiet as he said this.

"I don't know." And I think that was what scared me most of all.

**Okay, so this chapter definitely sucked. I wrote it while I was half asleep and I felt as if I needed to get something up. Sorry! I will try to write a better and longer one tomorrow for you all. REVIEW!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, because of all of the amazing reviews I got, I decided to update sooner! I really appreciate all of the support. I got an idea for part of this chapter from an amazing reviewer! Thanks. Enjoy!**

_Pain. An overwhelming, awful sense of utter pain. Voices too. I didn't know where I was or why, but I did know that something bad was happening. Something really bad._

Gasping for breath, I shot up, throwing my drenched sheets to the floor. My head rested in my hands as I tried to regain my composure and relax. I was terrified of what I had just dreamt of. I wanted to pretend as if I never had that nightmare. It was then I realized that maybe not knowing was for the best of me.

There was no way I would be able to fall back asleep. Not a chance in hell. I quietly crept out of bed and tiptoed out of my dorm and silently entered the deserted hallway. I don't know where or for how long I walked, but I eventually ended up in the East Wing. Yeah, were Zach just so happened to be staying. When I realized where my mind had taken me, I immediately tried to backtrack. But not before his door flew open.

A groggy (may I add shirtless) Zach steed out into the hall and looked me in the eyes. "What are you doing here, Cammie?" I gaped at him and struggled to explain myself.

"Um... uhh...well...idon'tknow." My mouth blurted out that last part. He stared at me for what seemed like an eternity before he finally replied.

"Are you okay?" Concern was etched on his handsome face.

"No, no I am not really okay. I was tortured," I showed him the scars on my arms before continuing. "So I am really not okay. But you don't need to worry about me. I mean I practically did this to myself the second I left here." His eyes grew darker as I said this.

"Please don't say that. Please don't blame yourself for everything that has happened to you. I don't think I can live with myself if you keep thinking that way. I am so sorry Gall- I mean Cammie. I promise you will be okay soon enough." And with that he retreated back to his room and shut the door. I stood there for a moment, processing what had just happened.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ TIME SKIP TO BREAKFAST

"Nice of you to join us Cammie." Bex scowled at me as I sat down at the senior table. I think Joe forced them to leave a chair for me.

" Your welcome." I sarcastically replied. I was not in the mood for their harassment again.

"So Cammie, do tell everyone who you were talking to last night." Once again it was Tina who began the conversation. " I believe his name started with a Z and ended with ach." The entire table turned to look at Zach then to me.

"Oh my god Cameron! You are such a slut! Are you kidding me! I bet you just screwed guys all summer!" Bex screamed at me. Her words struck a chord though. Once again, the music was in my ears, softly playing in the back of my mind.

"What. Did. You. Just. Say." I growled.

"You heard me the first time. You are a slut and a failure who got caught. Simple as that. Come to think of it, you should never have come home. Life would have been better for all of us." And with that, I lunged.

I am not sure what happened after that. I don't even remember attacking her. Apparently I almost killed her. If I hadn't snapped out of it at the last second, I would be in CIA custody headed towards jail. But I did. I almost killed my best friend. She almost died. Perhaps she was right. Maybe everyone was better off without me.

"


	4. Chapter 4

**I am so sorry for not updating sooner. I was in Paris and didn't really have time. So here it is. By the way, I have gotten a few kind of harsh reviews. I completely get if you didn't like it, because admittedly my writing kind of sucked so far, but at least try and be constructive about it. I'm not expecting everyone to like my writing, but if you don't instead of dissing me, please tell me how to improve. Don't bother reviewing if all you are going to say is that my writing sucks. Anywhoo, enjoy this chapter! I will try to make it better than the last few! Review! oh and I am going to start posting lyrics to songs that have nothing to do with what I am writing.**

_Heart skipped a beat_

_And when I caught it you were out of reach_

_But I'm sure, I'm sure_

_You've heard if before_

_-The Xx "Heart Skipped a Beat"_

The leaves outside of the window in my dorm were a melting pot of colors. From ruby red to burgundy orange, the colors were nothing like the green they were when I left last spring. I sighed as I brought my eyes back down to my COW homework. Surprisingly, it wasn't too difficult to jump back into classes. I had a lot of time to study given the fact that nobody really talked to me. As I wrote the last word on my paper, I stood up and strectched my back. My sleeves fell down just enough to see the scars of the summer. I quickly glued my arms to my side and held the sleeve as I spun around. Liz stood there gaping at me, her eyes filled with remorse.

"Cammie, I-I mean- are you okay?" She rushed over to me and pulled me down to her bed. "Oh god Cammie... I had no idea what happened. I am so sorry. I came to apologize. For the way everyone is treating you. And how I was treating you. It wasn't right." Liz drawled in her sweet southern accent, as tears brimmed her blue eyes.

"It's okay Liz. I kind of deserve it."

She quickly cut me off. "No one deserves that." I smile at her briefly before she engulfs me in a hug. "They may not forgive you for a while, but I promise they will eventually."

"Okay Lizzie. Thank you." She smiled at me before explaining how she has to go help Dr. Fibs. I lay down on the bed and stare at the ceiling for what seems like an eternity. Thousands of thoughts swam through my head before I finally shoved on some sneakers and began to run outside.

"Cameron! Wait! Where do you think you are going?" Professor Buckingham stopped me.

"I was just going to go for a run outside. If I'm allowed to do that..." I trailed off unsure whether or not the answer would be yes or no.

"Well, if that is all then you can. But you must bring a chaperone with you. Perhaps Mr. Solomon." I couldn't help but notice she had picked the most talented spy at the academy.

"Okay. Thank you!"

* * *

As I ran through the woods, Mr. Solomon made sure to stay no more than 5 feet behind me. There was no way he was letting me escape, even if I wanted to. Which I didn't. As the school came into sight again I leaned down to catch my breath.

"How are things for you, Ms. Morgan?" Mr. Solomon scrutinized me as I prepared myself to answer.

"I'll be okay." I simply said.

"I'm afraid that isn't an answer." He raised an eyebrow.

"I know." I relied before continuing on my way towards the school. I had been running for so long that I had missed dinner. Not that I was hungry, but it was sure to be a topic of gossip.

I walked quietly back towards my room, careful to not be seen. When I entered I was met with the sight of Liz crying, and Bex and Macey fuming. I stood still to not draw attention and listened to what they were discussing.

"Please you guys. This is what best friends are for. We need to help each other when we are in need. Y'all can't just abandon Cammie when she needs us most." Liz pleaded, tears streaming down her face.

"I know Liz. I know. You are right. I would feel so lonely and scared if I was her, especially if my friends weren't there to support me. Oh my god, I can't imagine how awful she must feel right now." Macey's face softened and her eyes glistened with tears. "Oh god, I have been the worst best friend ever."

Both girls turned to Bex. "You know what, fine. I'll tell Tina she doesn't need to be mean to Cammie anymore. But that does not mean I will be her friend again." Bex shot up from the bed and turned towards me. Surprise was etched on her face as she looked at me, but quickly covered it. "Hello." She said before brushing past me.

"Cammie! I am so sorry. I have been the worst friend ever to you. When I ran away, you were the only one there for me. I haven't been able to repay you. Do you forgive me?" Macey hugged me tightly.

"Of course I do. I couldn't not forgive you." I smiled as I told her. Eventually Bex returned and sat on her bed staring at me for a few moments. Liz and Macey quickly exited the room.

"We were both in the wrong. You shouldn't have run away alone, or at all for that matter. And I shouldn't have been so cruel, and got the other girls to be cruel, to our sister. I may be upset with you, but I don't bloody hate you! I never could. So, what I am trying to do is apologize." We sat in silence for a few moments as I digested what she said. I mulled it over in my mind before finally speaking up.

"I forgive you. I am also really sorry for almost killing you. I snaped because of everything. I couldn't deal with it anymore. I am sorry for getting caught and not remembering. But I am by no means sorry for going away. I did what I thought was best for everyone, even if my judgment was a bit clouded." I cautiously said.

She laughed before saying, "A bit clouded? Your judgment was more cloudy than England in the winter!" We erupted into laughter and hugged each other as Macey and Liz reentered the room. As I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep, I felt as if I belonged for the first time since I got back to Gallagher.

* * *

The next day went along relatively well and normally, considering everything that had just happened. That is, until after PE. A muscular and tan arm pulled me aside before I left from the barn. I let Zach pull me until we were in a dark corner away from any wandering eyes or straining ears.

"Why did you leave without me? Why?" Zach softly, but desperately spoke to me. I stared into his dark eyes before replying,

"I couldn't let you get hurt because of me. I would never be able to live with myself if you died." I sheepishly replied, embarrassed that I was releasing some inner thoughts and feelings.

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe I feel the same way? Did it? Because I do!" He angrily shouted, causing me to flinch back. His chiseled features softened considerably as his eyes poured into me. Before I knew it, my hands were around his neck and his around my waist as our lips moved in synchronization. Eventually we stopped to catch our breath. he wrapped his left arm around my waist as we headed back to the school.

**Hey! So that was long... REVIEW PLEASE! And does anyone else love Lana del Ray? Because I do! her new song, Black Beauty leaked recently!**


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